Never split the difference, negotiating as if your life depended on it

Do you want to learn how actually to get what you want? If so, you should check out Chris Voss’s book, Never Split the Difference.

The Author of the book, Chris Voss is the former FBI lead hostage negotiator. He helped develop the techniques that the FBI uses in negotiating. These techniques described in the book are transferable to many aspects of your life. Whether it is business or getting your son to bed, this book can help you get what you want so much better.

This book has helped me develop my negotiation skills and is one that is always on the top of my re-read list.

People aren’t logical

Let’s play a game from the book. You have $10, but have to offer another person a Whole dollar amount of the money. If they agree to the split, you guys get to keep the money, but if they don’t, it all goes away. How much would you offer? $6? $5? $4? Even $3? Well if you would offer anything over $1 you are not being logical. And if the other person doesn’t agree to that, they also are not. This is because $1 is better than nothing, so they should take that. But, as Chris stated at the start of his book, Humans don’t act in a rational fashion. This, he explains, was the main flaw of most other negotiation theories. They treat people as always using logic when doing business. But this completely ignores how emotional humans are as creatures.

This is a great way to start the book because it shows how people don’t think in a rational manner. And that is why other books and theories are wrong.

Mirroring

Mirroring is the technique talked about most often in the book. And This technique could very well be the most important for negotiation. What is mirroring? Repeating the last three words / the most important three words, that your counterpart said. After that, you Should stay quiet for at least 4 seconds. That is all there is to it, yet, that simple technique can do so much. Not only does this make people feel heard. But they will usually go into more detail about what you want as well. This will cause more information which could be useful to you to come out.

Although, it can feel very awkward to start putting into your usual conversations. When you do, people start to share much more than they usually would. And you can find out a lot more, and get into deeper conversations with this.

Anchoring

This is a very important thing for people to do in many types of negotiation. The idea of this is that when you enter a negotiation, people tend to set a starting point. Once you have that, you tend to whittle down to a middle point. So you should set an “Anchor” way above where you want to end up. Many times, people would never agree to the anchor as it is way too big. But it makes your goal seem reasonable, and you may end up with more than you expected. This is because when you go down from higher, it bringers the middle closer to your end.

Types of negotiators

In chapter 9, Chris goes through the different types of people in negotiations. When you spot which one someone is, you can change your strategy to better fit the person.

Analyst – These people are methodical and diligent. They need time to go over facts and consider the options. When you negotiate with someone like this, you need to provide data

Accommodator – They build rapport through a continuous, free-flowing exchange of information. They are more concerned with everyone getting a deal they are ok with. They are not focused on the best outcome they could have gotten. For these people, you should be kind and accept a concession from them, so they feel like they have built a rapport.

Assertive – These people like to talk, and get deals done fast. They have a need to feel like they have won in the negotiation.  For them, you should make a concession, so they feel like they “beat” you

With these, you can find out what type of person you are facing and from there figure out the best approach.

Closing thoughts

These are only a few pieces of advice that the book had. If you are at all interested, I recommend you pick up a copy for yourself to learn all of Chris’s secrets. The book has many great ideas and has changed how I negotiate for the rest of my life.

My rating:

Five Stars